I debated creating a post on this upcoming subject, mainly because I don't want friends and family to feel bad for me. They need not worry; I continue to enjoy my time across the ocean. But just like in everything, there are ups and downs during my time here.
On this blog, I’ve really focused on the positive sides of my experience. But I think to show only the positive side of my year abroad would be deceptive to myself and to everyone reading these posts. To keep it honest, I’ll now share a revelation from a few days ago. This week was more stressful than previous because things are starting to settle down at the university, but I still feel out of place at times. Classes are picking up, people are falling into rhythms, and homesickness strikes at odd times. Beyond that, I’ve found being abroad really changes how I perceive personal setbacks. Knowing that I am in England for only the school year creates a strange dilemma for myself. I’m here for another eight months. A long time. Yet each day I get a little closer to having to leave. One day flies by. One week flies by. One month flies by. One year flies by. And since I’m here, I feel the need to treasure each day and each moment. To constantly be enjoying myself and making good memories. That’s a lot of pressure to put on some random Tuesday. Especially a random Tuesday when it’s raining and I’m tired and I’m confused and nothing seems to be going right. When I don’t have a good day, it’s not just a bad day. It’s a bad day in England. I feel like I’m failing myself and my entire experience. Then the doubt (which I’ve dubbed “culture-shock doubt”) creeps in: what if I’m not supposed to be here, what am I doing in a foreign country, I’ll never do things right in this country, everyone thinks I’m dumb and weird, I’m frustrated. Confused. Exhausted. I have to remind myself that being in England doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days. Bad days are a part of life no matter what country you’re in. Most days I do well here. When I explain what I’ve done to people I can’t help but feel proud of myself and what I’m doing. I was told by a native British person the other day that I’ve adapted well to England. That made me feel like maybe I was doing this whole thing right. Maybe I am supposed to be in England. Yes, I have bad days in England just like in America. And, yeah, sometimes I miss home and sometimes the culture-shock doubt is crippling. But I’m in England, something I’ve dreamed of for ages. I’m having fun and doing well most of the time. That’s something to celebrate.
1 Comment
Edie - GRANDMA
11/6/2017 07:45:58 am
Amy you are definitely a great journalist!!! I love you and am very proud of your positive - enjoyment on your journey - Love Gram
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Amy Golden
Amy will be spending the academic year at the University of Sunderland in England studying journalism. Archives
February 2018
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